Breaking the bubble!

Well I have finally done it. After months of updates on forums and to my buddies I have decided to create, a diary… i mean blog. I have tried keeping track of my progress and this is definetly the best way.

A little bit of news about me. Shit well I have never had trouble picking up. But in the past 4 months my mind has exploded and my ego a bit too. The swelling has gone down and I have cleared my head. I bartend and work the corners on my glorious chariot of destiny. I go out at least 3 usually more nights a week. The bar scene is great when I am not working but honestly I prefer to be outside the bars and serenading Elton John or Phil Collins to my precious.

Now down to business, my most recent learnings. I got a lot out of this weekend and I love to share it.

Chode Revert

Abundance. I had heard this so many times and used to struggle with this like a 3 legged dog trying to burry his bone in ice. My handle has grasped it tight. And I am not letting go. I am having trouble finding time for girls. Never had I ever thought I would say that. But with all this it had spawned a chode revert for me. I have about 7 or 8 going right now and I am adding and removing my list every week. One has remained constant the whole time.

Daddysgirl, she has been around for a month or so. I just can’t get enough of her. Well kind of, once or twice a week is all I can fit in. She is where my chode revert this past weekend spawned. I will actually give a bit of a shout out to my mom for this too. A conversation with her she called me a manwhore in different words and said that its alright not to play the market. Half of me fell over laughing while the other half was shocked. Daddysgirl and I talked on Friday and she was saying that things were different with us lately. She never said it until I asked about how I hadn’t seen her since Monday. That was it… and we had only talked once in between. I had been busy doing my thing.

Scheduling things around my chariot of destiny and bartending schedule, I had managed to see Karen* on Sunday, Daddysgirl on Monday, Goodhead on Tuesday, a night for myself Wednesday, the beach and Greenshark on Thursday. I felt pretty good, I had postponed a few of my other desires for this coming week. Daddysgirl knows my lifestyle but has seen a fair amount of attention in the previous weeks. Well she wasn’t happy about lack of attention and kind of hinted about how she wasn’t happy and wanted some more commitment from me. Not saying my nuts are locked to her bed but hinting that way.

I needed to make some money to pay my pimp so I worked the corners and she went out to party with her friend. I tell her to give me a call for a romantic ride in the park, she agrees. She doesn’t call and for the first time in 3 months I get worried. I continue running my shit, a scam( I just read J the Rippers report and I am adding scamming to my vocab) with ladies on a few of my rides, a normal night for me, but Daddysgirl is still on my mind. It’s close to time to call it quits and I return to the biggest spectacle of pizza service in the Maratimes, Pizza corner. Sure enough I see her, long sexy legs, gorgeous hair, I remember why I enjoy her soo much. Her and her lady friend are chillin with 4 dudes. I go introduce myself to them and talk to her. She was cold and the dudes were cold. Not being needy I peaced on the situation for 2 cuties and some chedda. I became jealous. I didn’t know what was going on but I could only assume and I wasn’t happy. Wow major chode revert. She knew I wasn’t happy and texted me.

We had a conversation an hour later and I learned how wrong I was. This chick digs me, it was her best friends brothers and they were getting a ride home with them. I had reverted back to infancy for one small moment and I had written chode all over myself. The conversation became lubby dubby and lame, I had surrendered the frame to her and she was now in control.

REFRAME

I knew that I had done something silly. I had put milk in a lactose intolerant kids cereal and the backlash would not be pleasant unless I got him some pepto. I was ready end my communication with her. I kinda have oneitis and my last cure was remove myself. But I thought I would ride this one out see how this situation can play.

Flash forward. Sunday night I am at house party. I return Daddysgirls call and what do you know… I am a jerk now. I ended our conversation so I could get back to the party. I had just been introduced to a case of beer, 8 girls and a drinking game which the girls were feeding me. Cell phone dies. Uh oh… I am now in a “fight” with daddysgirl and not responding to her texts or answering the phone. Now me from Friday would have tried to get ahold of her not to displease her. But I had got my shit together and said things will work out later. And continued to party then hit the bars. I meet up with Greenshark at the bar and definetly rock the dance floor scam.

I get obliterated at the bar. Greenshark is buying me drinks all night. I walk her home and we handfuck the whole way. Handfucking is this brilliant idea we came up with instead of calling it holding hands. She calls me my cab and I get home only to pass out immediately. Wake up rotten as hell but my phone is now charged, time to check the messages.

Every 15 minutes for 2 hours daddysgirl is sending texts that progressively get worse and worse.

DG: I am starting to think we want different things

DG: I guess by no response you agree

DG: I don’t think you and I are ready for a relationship especially after a week of not really communicating or seeing each other and it shouldn’t take jealousy for you to realize what you want

I am going through all these and this is deep stuff. Then I get a good luck to you and a few crying emoticons.

DG: you will get over me fast don’t worry

DG: If this really meant something you would come see me or call at least.

DG: I am more hurt then you

Then a few hours later: Sigh I can’t sleep


It was about 6 or 8 unresponded texts. And a voicemail in the morning saying we need to talk. If this were a guy doing this he would be me 2 days ago. As I am going through all this I get another : I am really sorry can we talk

I am not an asshole by anymeans, I am a nice guy so I call her and she asks me to come over to talk. An hour later I show up to talk. Our conversation consists of her apologizing to me and some closed door things.

Wow this is long and I apologize but to get what I needed across I feel it suffices. This weekend I had reverted to chode, reframed and got back to level ground learning a ton about relationships.

The big things I picked up on:

be confident in what you are saying. Throughout my Friday I wasn’t confident, and I stunk like the firehydrant in front of my house. Today I was confident, while not giving a fuck how things were gonna go with Daddysgirl and it worked out.

Catch yourself before it goes to far. I over reacted and got jealous for nothing. Returning to chode just gave me a headache more then anything.

Jealousy is a bitch, but it how we have been programmed. Me see jane, jane with guy, guy is not me, jane sleep with guy. When that could be the case but probably not. Hell and it doesn’t matter because I am sleeping with other girls.

Abundance is key. I still love having this abundance and its new, but that new car smell will never go away.

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