Archive for the september Category

American Woman…. stay awaaaahay!

Posted in september, Uncategorized with tags , , , on September 28, 2008 by zeenatural

What a treat that I can find myself in front of a computer and able to write tales of my mischief. I honestly love writing these as a cure for my hangover… sittin with a gatorade right beside and the laptop is all i need right now. Well and a trip to eat random greasy artery clogging fantastically awesome food.

Porch climber ( por-cha-kla-ime-er) – a glorious drink of epic proportions. One might say if they bottled jesus and poured him into a cooler this would it (according to brem brem). This concoction of beer, vodka, redbull and concentrated lemonade is fantastic.

The three of us guys drank this and proceeded to get smashed. I am getting ahead of myself here. You are probably wondering about this american woman song and video. Earlier in the day yesterday when at the gym a beautiful american girl walked in. Very very pretty but in fashion i know best… I refuse to talk/ meet people when I am at the gym… its my temple that can’t be tainted by anything other then blood and sweat. I know she wants me and I want her so connecting with her next time our paths cross will be a delightful experience. Little did i know how soon this would happen and the state i would be in.

From one apartment to the next we carry down the cooler. Attending a party that is expected to have a decently sized crown. By the time we get down there is only 4 or 5 there. Boo, its okay we are bringing the party in form of ping pong balls and beercups. After playing a few games of beer pong I realize I am about as talented right now as a 80 yr old man with 2 wooden legs running a marathon. But to my suprise american girl shows up. See i knew things would pan out. I am destroyed right now but honestly thats not stopping me.

We ping back and forth for 10 minutes while pong is goin on. She is lookin hot and what I mean by this is jeans, a tank top and no makeup. Some how it ended up just me and her in the garage, I walked the five feet to her and laid a sexual tension rocket of a kiss on her. I pulled away from the kiss and she jumped right back on me. More resistance from me… it builds more tension. I tell her that its not appropriate here right now. More shit happens then I end up back at her place.

She lives on residence back at the school which is only a 10 minute walk from the party. I have no idea what time it is but when we walk into her residence townhouse there are at least 15 people watching tv in the lounge. Time to parade myself around like a fool and make new friends.  Turns out I am quite the celebrity already 90% of them know of me.  O did I mention this is an all girls residence. We go to the laundry room to get her sheets. In typical fashion i pick her up throw her on the washer and makeout, play with her naughty bits.  Her exact words at this point were… fuck that we don’t need sheets. Fade to black.

So her RA boss lady knocks on the door and says that she will have to give a fine for me being there if I don’t leave right away. Its about 2 am at this point so I get dressed and leave. There is a beautiful pond outside and 4 people sitting there. So I go chill and talk with them rambling about all the shenanigans that occurred back in my day. Then head home. Shortly before I passed out from drunken stupor I remember standing the bathroom taking out my contacts and seeing how scratched up I was from her nails.

Upon wakening this morning much of last night was a blur. But as I stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror seeing my battle wounds it all came back to me. We are hanging out again tonight.

Once last note, I promised john I would rep him in my blog. The artery clogging food was the best I have had in a long time. I give credit to this amazing whole in the ground on the darkside. The owner/chef is spectacular… he is an old traditional guy that truly loves what he does. Johns Lunch check it out next time you are in my neck of the woods.


Bachelor Party Weekend

Posted in september with tags , , on September 23, 2008 by zeenatural

I have started classes about 3 weeks ago and my outings have decreased greatly and my time alone in front of a book or computer are at an all time high. I managed to spend some time on Friday at the pub.

I went  to the campus bar where I used to work. My friends and I are known by all the staff and a large portion of the patrons. Tons of social proof, but honestly this doesn’t really matter to me anymore I just like having fun and things happen. I run into the 2 girls from the previous saturday that i spent time making out with. Turns out they are great friends, and wearing lots of green. The theme for the night was Stop light (green means single). I joined in on the celebrations wearing green pants, yellow shirt and red hat. The hat wasn’t planned but I like the Calgary Flames (represent). These girls got bikini tops on and ones tits are huge and falling out. I tell her that and she proceeds to pull it down so I could see it. A buddy of mine has expressed interest in her so I have been backing off. I sit down and talk with her though… sobering her up for my buddy. I have no pockets so i stuff my phone in her breast and tell her to keep it close to her heart. Well stupid me… she loses it. I go on my way and search for it. I later find out a different buddy of mine who is falling over drunk has it so its all good.

Chilling at 1 after the pub closes I headed downtown with HBchristian from like 4 months back. I just wanna have a bit of fun before crashing. After walking into the bar I hear … SUPERMAN! is that you? And turns out its one of my radio girls. I meet her friend then go and dance for a bit. After getting hot and sweaty I am headin on my way out. I stop and say goodbye, during the short convo I find out her BF just broke up with her. I hug and then I head on my way to get Christian. If only I went alone.

Saturday I get up early to head to a city a few hours away for a buddies bachelor party. Its only a short distance from a few hotties i met this summer so i give them a call. After picking up the bachelor we head to our rented cabin and crack the keg. 5 hours of boozing and 2 games of poker later we enter the titty bar. I thought about trying to game a ripper, but i choded. I was pretty drunk but no excuse really. After an hour or two there things are gettin more and more messy we head to another bar. Football game is on… my boys are down (the roughriders) and its the 4th quarter. I can’t drag my eyes away… despite the best looking girls in the bar near me ( not alot to say about them honestly but still opportunity).

I realize my lame actions in my drunken stuppor as we enter the final bar of the night. We are walkin in bells and whistles in our green shirts that say single and sexy… game on. I get my firstfull of beers and walk around. I talk to a ton of people… but notice how much i slur… i tell them its all in good fun and meet more people.  I meet this one chick… all i can see is fantastic boobies and sweet sweet candy ass. MMMM is all i can say to myself. I open and talk. Ugh all these beer are catching up… i grab her hand and drag her somewhere… I don’t know where. I tell her i am peeing and I will get lost in this huge bar without her. She takes me to the bathroom. Bouncer stops me from bringin her in. Haha nice try i guess. I take a glory urination break then grab her on my way out. As the bar closes I am trying to pull her and 3 friends back to our cabin. No go… a keg and a cabin don’t float. Its 30 min away and I am too drunk to push. I fall victim to going to her place… i stuggled (haha right).

This is actually kinda funny when we are here. I was still smashed but remember it pretty good. Me some dude and my girl and another head to her apartment. I go right to bedroom throw her on the bed and makeout. We turn around and the dude and chick are just standing in the doorway like wtf. Well the girls go in the hallway leavin me and dude in the room. We talked, laughed about random shit and how the girls were figuring the dynamics. My girl… lets call her HBbody … i will explain this later. HBbody doesn’t wanna be mean to her bestfriend who is newly single so she gives up the bedroom. Alright cool living room works for me. As i walk into living room i trip and slam onto the floor. Lol there are 2 more people there sleeping. After what seemed to be forever of i don’t know what… we are in her bedroom alone… glory times. Ugh being drunk is hilarious.

So HBbody…. well her breasts were amazing… so firm… almost to good to be true. I have never experience fake ones but my best guess is thats what these were. She had a killer stomach and nice ass. So all and all a killer body. Although I can’t say the same about her face. I learned this when I woke up in the morning. I was pretty dissapointed with myself. Now it wasn’t like throw up ugly face. Now here is how I figure the math works.

Body (10) + face (5) = 15/2 + 2 (for being french) now this is where it gets complicated. For no reason whatsoever you add 6 carry the 2 and multiply by .8. I suck at math and numbers don’t matter… i would still do it again. The entire drive home i took alot of flack from the boys… they never her saw her the night before. But I held my cab meeting them with her in so they could all get a look.

O yeah… did I mention she is french. Haha I love french chicks. Although I don’t really understand what they moan. O well

Be Alpha Mofo

Posted in september with tags , , on September 15, 2008 by zeenatural

I have been very busy lately and my frequent reports are becoming weekly updates. The good new is I am still learning things.

Last week I exchanged numbers with a cutie that had a bf all last year that she was super into. Well turns out not anymore. She lives not far from me… not quite close enough that we could see each other from balconies but enough that we can laugh about it on the phone.  A late night rendevous entails. I go to her place… she has cats. Cats don’t work to well with me as i discovered as I got allergic reaction to them and had to call night short cuz it bugged me so much. We chill one more time in the week… alot of sex talk but i took no action. Bad Zee get your fuckin ass in gear. Be alpha … take control.

Wednesday I catch up with HBazn. Time for her to cook me dinner. I made dinner for day2 and couldn’t seal the deal so here was my second chance. She cooks real chinese food… none of this ginger beef and deep fried chicken shit. This was a supreme beef concoction along with many other courses… very very good. After dinner we watch jeopardy then head to her bedroom. This is where I learned something that hindered me the first time. I just moved into a new place and i don’t have blinds up yet. Well the second we walk into her room… she closes the blinds and says much better. Ahh soo simple.  Still though… no closing. I am making steady progression. I think this had to do with her roommate this time. Excuses really I need to push more. Build more sexual tension.

Thursday I meet some girls at the gym and convince them how much they would benefit from paying me to get them in amazing shape… hard to beat already fantastic but amazing should suffice.  In the evening I stop by campus bar to check out the happenings. A fun band and a bit of pool and I take off to go pull my chariot of destiny. I have never had a cougar and I had an upfront offer from a woman on her 40th bday. But I have standards, I mean i gotta wanna fuck you bad if thats what i am gonna do. She didn’t do it for me so i politely blew her away. More of the pick girl up carry her on shoulder and put her in the rickshaw. I did a good deed for the day to… helping a brother out. I ran into a buddy who was having a bit of a challenge pulling a girl. So I gave them a ride to help with the “socially lubricated time of fun in the pool” and by pool i mean bed and by fun i mean sex.

Friday I went out and pulled cart… I forced myself to go out. I was so tired but knew i needed to go out. A redbull helped me start the night. After a few hours of random shit I meet up with HBnurse to go out and party with her. Upon my arrival to the bar I have no idea where she is… i text my location and go to work on the new girls. A few token sets keep things flowing like gummy bears at a 6 year olds birthday party. I am lose and meet Hbnurses friends. I kiss her on the cheek and HBnurse gets jealous its all good though. They are out to dance… I can’t dance but i pretend to and it always works as long as i have fun. I get on dance floor and some guy grabs her and starts dancing. She gives me the haha look how hot i am look. No prob I grab her friend and dance. After 10 or 15 min I am tired of dancing and her friend disappears. During the entire time i was dancing we exchanged fuck me eye and just built more sexual tension. Drunk guy is grindin on her… I walk up pick her up swing her and then tell her I need a drink. So she buys me one and we go to find her friends. A few times throughout the night I hinted towards her coming back. She was with 2 friends and responsible for driving them home. So not tonight. I still pushed but eventually gave up.

I need to start closing more again… those reports are more fun to write.  A few things I have come across that i am working on are:

– I am an open guy… but there is being too open. I tell a few of my buddies a few of the stories, I want to stop that… I feel like its searching for value and is not the direction i want to go.

– Take control… tell don’t ask. Basically I stopped asking to do things and I upfront tell them.Similarly if I have a girl at my place there is no rhyme or reason that I can’t close.

I will hold you up like a bowling ball

Posted in september, Uncategorized with tags , on September 4, 2008 by zeenatural

School is back on again. I am now officially in my final year of Universityif all goes to plan. With that said it is also that time when all the new students come to school and get aquainted. As always I am a frosh leader. I love helping people out and you  meet a ton of people. Right up my alley. Although I have sworn to DFF ( don’t fuck frosh) so I am keeping things tame ish and just pumpin up the sexual tension.

I got a ton of days to write about so I will just be writing some highlights.


My bro was in visiting from cowtown for the weekend  so I spent a ton of time with him learning how his brain works. He can be stubborn but he is also so into his life of cars that he can struggle to keep a conversation going. Anyway we went go karting to satisfy that before “frosh activities” started. Upon our arrival I sent him off alone and said “go meet girls”, I figured trial by fire would be good for him. While I sent him to do that during the dinner, I sat at 5 or 6 tables meeting the entire table being briefly sexual and then peacing.

Its raining hardcore and thats where the next activity is. So some 200 students went outside to play this game. Cue hottie from the radio station. Really cute and a great smile, nothing special to scream look at me  but the smile is what I like most. The bat swings both ways in that case. “hey whats up?”, we talk for 20 minutes maybe longer who knows. After about 5 or 10 min, I have been offering value to her, she offers some back. Now this is when I know I have kinda hit a great direction. This girl has met easily thousands of guys this summer and blows them all away. She tells me this, and I respond to her unreactively as though she just said its raining and i already knew that. I get dragged away for some duties and she says I will catch ya later.

This is irrelevant to my interactions but it put me in the spotlight for everyone. We had a hypnotist come for the little ones. I talked to him before and he sensed my confidence so he said he would pick on me during the show. So about halfway through the show he pops up a jerry springer scenario for the people hypnotised. They are all their because of a mutual hatred of “the guy in the red hat and shirt named zee”. So going through the line I get “he slept with my sister and mom, he is a skank, he is a slut, he only dates girls til he fucks them, he has got every std, small penis, etc.” those kinda of things. Now only about 4 or 5 people in the auditorium of 500 knew about my going ons lately. Which include me being called a skank and just getting my test back as being clean. So I fell out of my chair laughing as all this was going on.

On Monday night we had the opportunity of an awesome speaker/comedian. He talks about relationships and how guys need to be confident and trusting. And ladies need to open the fuck up. Daniel Packard spent close to 2 hours with us and I was in stiches the entire time. From knowing more about girls then most the ones in there to teaching them how to give a great bj to telling us he was gonna hold a girl up like a bowling ball right before he nails her to the wall.

I got more to write but for the time being I am heading to class. As for tonight I will be looking to check off another thing on my list of fantasies, maybe even 2 or 3 tonight.