Archive for porch climber

American Woman…. stay awaaaahay!

Posted in september, Uncategorized with tags , , , on September 28, 2008 by zeenatural

What a treat that I can find myself in front of a computer and able to write tales of my mischief. I honestly love writing these as a cure for my hangover… sittin with a gatorade right beside and the laptop is all i need right now. Well and a trip to eat random greasy artery clogging fantastically awesome food.

Porch climber ( por-cha-kla-ime-er) – a glorious drink of epic proportions. One might say if they bottled jesus and poured him into a cooler this would it (according to brem brem). This concoction of beer, vodka, redbull and concentrated lemonade is fantastic.

The three of us guys drank this and proceeded to get smashed. I am getting ahead of myself here. You are probably wondering about this american woman song and video. Earlier in the day yesterday when at the gym a beautiful american girl walked in. Very very pretty but in fashion i know best… I refuse to talk/ meet people when I am at the gym… its my temple that can’t be tainted by anything other then blood and sweat. I know she wants me and I want her so connecting with her next time our paths cross will be a delightful experience. Little did i know how soon this would happen and the state i would be in.

From one apartment to the next we carry down the cooler. Attending a party that is expected to have a decently sized crown. By the time we get down there is only 4 or 5 there. Boo, its okay we are bringing the party in form of ping pong balls and beercups. After playing a few games of beer pong I realize I am about as talented right now as a 80 yr old man with 2 wooden legs running a marathon. But to my suprise american girl shows up. See i knew things would pan out. I am destroyed right now but honestly thats not stopping me.

We ping back and forth for 10 minutes while pong is goin on. She is lookin hot and what I mean by this is jeans, a tank top and no makeup. Some how it ended up just me and her in the garage, I walked the five feet to her and laid a sexual tension rocket of a kiss on her. I pulled away from the kiss and she jumped right back on me. More resistance from me… it builds more tension. I tell her that its not appropriate here right now. More shit happens then I end up back at her place.

She lives on residence back at the school which is only a 10 minute walk from the party. I have no idea what time it is but when we walk into her residence townhouse there are at least 15 people watching tv in the lounge. Time to parade myself around like a fool and make new friends.  Turns out I am quite the celebrity already 90% of them know of me.  O did I mention this is an all girls residence. We go to the laundry room to get her sheets. In typical fashion i pick her up throw her on the washer and makeout, play with her naughty bits.  Her exact words at this point were… fuck that we don’t need sheets. Fade to black.

So her RA boss lady knocks on the door and says that she will have to give a fine for me being there if I don’t leave right away. Its about 2 am at this point so I get dressed and leave. There is a beautiful pond outside and 4 people sitting there. So I go chill and talk with them rambling about all the shenanigans that occurred back in my day. Then head home. Shortly before I passed out from drunken stupor I remember standing the bathroom taking out my contacts and seeing how scratched up I was from her nails.

Upon wakening this morning much of last night was a blur. But as I stood in the bathroom looking in the mirror seeing my battle wounds it all came back to me. We are hanging out again tonight.

Once last note, I promised john I would rep him in my blog. The artery clogging food was the best I have had in a long time. I give credit to this amazing whole in the ground on the darkside. The owner/chef is spectacular… he is an old traditional guy that truly loves what he does. Johns Lunch check it out next time you are in my neck of the woods.